GYPSIES AT THE PEARLY GATES
40 Gypsies arrive at the Pearly Gates in their vans and caravans.
St Peter goes into the gatehouse and phones up God -
God says, “We're over quota on gyppos, go out and tell them to choose between them which are the 12 most worthy and I will let just the dozen in.”
Two minutes later St Peter is on the phone to God again -
“What? All 40 of them?”
“No, the pearly gates!”
Wonderful English from Around the World
In a Bangkok Temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
Doctor's office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Dry Cleaners, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE, OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
On the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
On a poster at Kencom Nairobi:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.
In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS
In a Cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS, FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.
On the menu of a Swiss Restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE, OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
In a Tokyo Bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE, IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In a Moscow Hotel, near a Russian Orthodox Monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY, WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY, EXCEPT THURSDAY.
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
A Laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND THEN SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
Is proof reading a dying art??
"Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter"
"Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says"
"Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers"
Now that's taking things a bit far
"Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over"
What a guy!
"Miners Refuse to Work after Death"
"Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant"
See if that works any better than a fair trial
"War Dims Hope for Peace"
Can see where it might have that effect
"Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures"
Who would have thought!
"Enfield Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide"
They may be on to something
"Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges"
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
"New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group"
Weren't they fat enough?
"Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft"
That's what he gets for eating those beans.
"Kids Make Nutritious Snacks"
Do they taste like chicken?
"Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half"
Chainsaw Massacre all over again
"Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors"
Boy, are they tall!
"Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead"
Is that a fact?