How to Get Your Own Back!

A spritely 78 year old lady was being pressed by her daughter to "Do something useful with your time mother" - her favourite topic of conversation.

I asked why sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing, but she was "only thinking of me" she said and suggested that I go down to the Senior Centre and join something.

I did this and when I got home I decided to play a prank on her.  I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a Parachute Club.

She replied,  "Mother, are you nuts?  You are 78 years old and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"

I told her that I had even got a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her.

She immediately telephoned me and yelled, "Good grief, Mom, where are your glasses?! This is a Membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."

I calmly replied, "Oh my, I think I'm in real trouble then, because I signed up for five jumps a week!!"

The line went quiet and her friend picked up the phone and said that my daughter had fainted.

Life as a Senior Citizen is not getting any easier, but sometimes it can be real fun.

Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "Old Geezer"

Remember: Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off!

Helpful Advice?

Paddy pulls alongside a lorry and shouts to the driver, "Oi, yer losing yer load". Driver shouts back, "Very funny now get lost"

A few miles further, Paddy pulls alongside and again shouts, "Oi, I’m telling yer - yer losing yer load". Driver replies, "Look, will you just go away"

"I'm not joking, yer losing yer load" Paddy shouts, “Listen mate” the driver shouts, "Will you go away - I'm gritting"

Michael O’Leary, Chief Executive of Ryanair after arriving in a hotel in Manchester went to the bar and asked for a pint of Guinness.

The barman said, "That will be £1 please, Mr. O’Leary."

Taken aback, O'Leary replied, "That's very cheap," and handed over his money.

"We do try to stay ahead of the competition", said the barman. "We have the cheapest beer in England".

"That is remarkable value", Michael comments.

"I see you don't have a glass, you'll need one of ours. That will be £3 please." O'Leary scowled, but paid up. He took his drink and walked towards a seat.

"Ah, you want to sit down?" said the barman. "That'll be an extra £2. If you'd pre-booked it would have cost £1."  O'Leary swore to himself, but paid up.

"I see you've brought your laptop" added the barman. "That wasn't pre-booked either, that's another £3."

O'Leary was so incensed and his face was red with rage.   "I've had enough! I insist on speaking to a manager!"

"Here is his e-mail address, or if you wish, you can contact him between 9.00 am and 9.01am every morning, Monday to Tuesday. Calls are free, unless answered, then there is a charge of only £1 per second".

"I will never use this bar again".

"OK but do remember, we are the only hotel in England selling pints for £1."